How to navigate through the ups and downs of mommyhood

ups and downs of mommyhood

Ok so my son will be four in September and I’ve got to say that life is definitely a roller coaster with him around. Never a dull moment. Well in addition to being a mom, I’m a wife, a daughter, tee tee to my twin nieces, entrepreneur, adjunct instructor… And just so you know there are a few other roles that I probably my missed. Well if you’re a mom like me, life isn’t always cherries and it doesn’t always go as planned.

So to help you keep from getting your panties all in a bunch, here are a few tips to help you navigate this journey of being a mom. Now whether you’re just starting out like me or have been in the game for a while, tips to help make this job of being a mom a bit easier are always helpful.

Now keep in mind, I’m most certainly no expert but what I’ve found is if I’m going through it, so is someone else. Plus sharing is caring…

Just so you know as I am working on this he is upstairs watching spiderman next to his dad while his dad is sleeping (he super duper loves his daddy).

So here goes…

  1. Pray: Nothing like taking every need to our God in prayer. Nothing like surrendering what we can’t do to the One who can do all things.  Never stop praying and never stop taking time (even if but for 5 minutes) to get quiet and let the Lord speak to and guide you.
  2. Take some deep breaths: This may sound simple, but it works (and not just for giving birth – lol).  I learned the power of deep breathing while is school getting my first masters degree.  It relaxes you.  It eases the dis-ease or uneasiness you are feeling.  It also brings you back to your center and your core.  Sometimes in the midst of my three-nager (yes a new term I learned) spazzing out on me, yes he has melt downs and just so I don’t melt down with him, deep breathing (and hugs from my honey) help get me through those moments.
  3. Let yourself off the hook: Listen, take the S off your chest and the bracelets off of your wrist (Wonder Woman) and be okay the perfection of your imperfections. I imagine that everyday won’t be perfect. I imagine that your children will make choices that you as a parent aren’t proud of, but let yourself off the hook. You are doing the best you can and even if you aren’t, the first step is acknowledging it so you can do something about it.
  4. Ask for help: This is huge.  As mothers/parents, we sometimes feel weak and vulnerable when we have to ask for help because we feel like we should have it all together.  God never asked you to have it all together.  He just asks that you do your part.  Are you doing your part, so that God can do His part?  Understand that trying to do it by yourself is sometimes what causes the stress and anxiety that we encounter because we want others to think we have it together when we are struggling.  Seek God for provision and assistance.  Seek out help from those who have offered but you said no because your pride wouldn’t let you say yes.
  5. Talk to other moms: I found that when I talked to other moms, it wasn’t as bad as I thought and I realized I wasn’t the only one.  Find some mom friends who you can talk to about what you are going through and who can relate. Don’t isolate yourself thinking it’s just you going through whatever you are going through.  Open your mouth and connect with those who in the same boat as you.
  6. Do what works for you:  Realize that as a mom you have to do what works for you.  If you follow me on social media at all, you know I am big on doing what works for you. You can’t always follows the mommy/parent rules that other people have followed.  You have to do what works for you and your family.  You have to do what makes you and your family happy, regardless of what people have to say about it. They may not like it but you better believe, if you are stern, they will respect it.  Make your own rules, create your own lines and do what works for you and yours.
  7. Take a day off: If you work and work and work and work and work but you never rest, you become agitated, burned out, stressed, overly emotional and much, much more.  Learn to take a day off.  Even if you can’t take a day off from being a mom, see if you can take a day off from work.  Take a mental health day.  I am a firm believer in taking care of your mind and spirit in the same way your take care of your body (that is if you take care of your body). If God worked six days and rested on the 7th day, you should follow suit.
  8. Stop comparing: Don’t comparing your life to someone else’s. You don’t know what they had to go through to get what they’ve got. Nor do you know if what you see is actually truth and facts. We show people what we want them to see and what you are comparing yourself to may in fact be false. Stay in your own lane and run your own race.  Stop trying to compare and compete with people who aren’t even on your level or on different level because they’ve put in work that you choose not to put in (that’s another covno). Don’t compare your four children situation to someone who has two. Don’t compare your apples to someone else’s oranges.  It just cause more stress to an already stressful situation.

Your turn…

  • In order to generate and create the life of purpose you crave you have to start doing things differently and do what works for you. Take some time to figure out what really works for you and do it. Make adjustments as needed.
  • Don’t isolate yourself and don’t assume you’re the only one going through what your going through. Share your journey with other moms.
  • Use the tips above that I shared, especially 4 & 5.
I’m sure there are other mom’s who’d loved to hear from you. After reading this week’s Life Purpose Message, share your thoughts with me in the TrueheartSpeaks Facebook Community.  

P.S. How can I serve you? Are you overwhelmed, stressed, busier than you need to be, losing yourself while pouring into others? Let’s chat… Click here to apply for a Complimentary Life Purpose Discovery Session bit.ly/workwithDetra

P.S.S. Don’t forget to share this message with your peeps via email or social media.

Until next time…

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Now is YOUR time!

Have you thought about working with me?

$97 PushMe SPECIAL

Well in an effort to support you, I wanted to make working with me a bit more accessible for those of you who believe that now is your time AND you are READY NOW to take action.

I know that many of you are feeling overwhelmed, stuck, stagnant and extremely stressed in certain areas of your life and as God began speaking to me about you during my prayer time, I decided that I wanted to meet you right where you are to be sure I was doing everything I know to do to support you.

So, FOR 24 HOURS ONLY, I am opening up my calendar for my 90 Minute One on One Push Me Strategy Session to more than just 4 people this month and I am offering it for a special reduced investment of $97 (regularly $397) to 10 (YES 10!!) people!

BOOK YOUR PUSH ME STRATEGY SESSION TODAY for $97!

If you have ever wanted to pick my brain and get my support, suggestions and strategy in the following areas of lifestyle management, spiritual guidance/development, getting out of your own way, showing up authentically in your life, putting yourself first, overcoming overwhelm, moving in spite of your fears, or just taking the first step to getting started, this offer is for you. –> bit.ly/pushme97

Working with me at this level is usually a personal investment of $397, and just so you know, you will not find this link on my website. If you make the investment on my website, you will be charged $397. Unfortunately, I can not hold spots because it is first come first serve and there are only a limited number of spaces (10 to be exact).

If you have ever been in my space and you know like I know, you will find a way to jump on this NOW!

BOOK YOUR PUSH ME STRATEGY SESSION TODAY for $97!

Once payment is received to secure your spot, you will receive an email from me to schedule the date and time of your session. All coaching sessions take place via Skype or Google Hangout. –> bit.ly/pushme97

Let me help you get clarity on the next best step to take in your life.

I look forward to hearing from you…

Detra

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Handle burnout before burnout handles you

Handle burnout before burnout handles you.

Now a days we are so busy that we are walking around here like the energizer bunny. We just keep going and going and going.

Between you and me … That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

Some of you my dear sisters are running yourselves ragged. You are tired, irritable, agitated, stressed, anxious, and just darn overwhelmed.

Well let me let you in on a little secret… If you don’t slow down and go sit down somewhere (some of you need to go lie down), you are going to go down.

Yes I said it.

I know you want to support everyone and you want to be super woman but if haven’t noticed, it isn’t working, is it? No I didn’t think so.

You see I’ve been there. Trying to be all things to all people with no one being anything to me. Or least partly because I wouldn’t let them help me. I didn’t want people to think I was weak or that I couldn’t handle everything I had going on. On the other hand, I also just thought running myself ragged (not intentionally) was what you were supposed to do, right?

WRONG!

Somewhere along this journey no one told me it was ok to say no. No one told me it was okay to put me first. No one said that if I kept going at the pace I was going, I’d finally crash. And guess what I crashed. I was exhausted, I was moody and I didn’t understand why no one stopped this train wreck before it had happened.

I will tell you why …

Because most of us women are all doing the same thing and we all think it’s what we are supposed to be doing. Most of us saw our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and other women in our immediate circle do it. Not knowing that they so wanted the rest, therefore I am giving you permission to take a break before you burnout.

So how exactly do you handle burnout before it handles you…

  • Say no
  • Set boundaries  
  • Know your stress triggers
  • Re-teach people how to treat you
  • Let yourself off the hook
  • Stop worrying about what people think so much
  • Unplug
  • Rest

There are so many more suggestions that I could share but I’ll leave you with these eight for now…  I think they are pretty self explanatory.

Get settled in and comfortable saying no and setting boundaries. Know those stress triggers that set you off and be aware when other people, places, and things set those triggers off.  If you have had a habit of letting people just treat you any kind of way, you need to re-teach them how to treat you according to your new normal. It is your responsibility to help them unlearn some of the habits they have been used to using.

Learn to let yourself off the hook.  It’s ok that you aren’t perfect.  It’s okay that you don’t have it all together.  It’s okay that you don’t have all the answers.  IT IS OKAY.  Let yourself off the hook.  God still smiles when you cross His mind.  Once you learn to let yourself off of the hook, understand that the freedom you desire comes when you stop worrying about what people think.  Who cares what they think.  I mean really…. who cares?  Why is their opinion so important? I want you to be more worried about what God thinks than what ‘people‘ think.

In order to stop worrying about what people think, you may need to unplug.  Cut the phone off, get off of social media, pray, journal, meditate.  Take a break from the tv and all of the ripping and running.  So whatever you need to do so long as you unplug and get quiet so that you can recharge.  Lastly, unplugging allows you to rest.

Your turn…

  • Pick one or two of the suggestions I gave you on how to handle burnout before it handles you and begin implementing them immediately.  Start small and then work you way up to integrating them all into your life.

If this resonated with you, share your comments below and feel free to share so that other women who read this can glean from your wisdom too.

If you need an extra Push in learning how to handle burnout before it handles you, schedule a PUSH ME 90 Minute Strategy Session.  Schedule yours here: bit.ly/pushmedetra.

Until next time….

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Do you really know what you need?

Do you really know what you need-

Ok so I wrote this almost a year ago and it’s been sitting in my blog drafts since last year. As I’ve been taking some time to start writing more and quieting myself, I happened to find this as I was scheduling my blogs for the next few weeks to get back on track.

As I was reading this I felt the need to share it since I think it still applies to today even though it was written last August while hubby and I were in vacay.

So here goes…. enjoy :)


Hubby and I are away on vacay for a few days and it wasn’t until I got to our destination that I realized that I needed it a lot more than I thought.  This is the first trip that hubby and I have taken alone since our son was born in 2011.

YESSSS… our WE time had been limited to Friday night dates, nap times and pure luck if Dallas went to bed early. As first time parents and absolutely in love love love with our baby boy, we tend to spend more time with him, and we enjoy it.

But as we spent time together on this trip we realized how much R&R we needed not only as man and woman but also husband and wife.  Some nights we are so exhausted that on the Friday night date night, we are happy just to lay in bed with no interruption.  There is no conversation, no cuddling, just pure REST and SLEEP.  Now don’t get me wrong we need that too but we had been working so hard at providing a good life experience for our son that we neglected ourselves and each other.

Now you may be wondering how this applies to you…

Although you may know what you need, you may not actually know what you need until you are in it.  Some things may not become clear to you until you take the time to take the first step, make the first move, launch out into the deep and just do it.

YES… just do it!

You will not always know where it will come from and it may come when you least expect it. I knew I needed a vacay and I knew that hubby and I needed to be more intentional with having WE time, but it wasn’t until actually being on vacation away from work, our son, our house and anything else that sometimes distracts us from taking time out to do what really matters, that we realized what we needed.  It was awesome and we are looking forward to doing this more often.

Your turn…

  • I challenge you to take some time to do what feeds your mind, your body, your soul, your marriage and any other area that needs recharging.
  • Be intentional in doing what matters most.
  • Be open to realizing that some things you will only come to know once you launch out in to the deep.

Be open to receive what you need not knowing where exactly it will come from…

Until next time…

P.S. Are you need of an extra push in a particular area of your life. Are you feeling stuck, stalled or stagnant?  Book your 90 minute Push Me Strategy Session so we can get you unstuck and get started on what’s most important. Click here bit.ly/pushmedetra

P.S.S. Don’t forget to share this message with your peeps via email or social media.

P.S.S. Like this week’s life purpose message… leave a comment below.

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Take a day off

#iSpeakLife DailyDeclaration: 

I give myself permission to take a day off.  

#7X #TrueheartSpeaks

Remember, burnout & overwhelm come from going and going and going. Take a day off to rest, relax, recharge, & rejuvenate. Taking a day off allows you to pour in so you don’t burn out. 
 
www.TrueheartSpeaks.com 

Just Be

 #iSpeakLife #DailyDeclaration: I give myself permission to JUST BE. #7X (say this 7 times) #TrueheartSpeaks

 www.trueheartspeaks.com

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I am a work in progress.

Today’s #iSpeakLife Declaration: I am a work in progress, always progressing in the work of the Lord.

i am a work in progress

Are you registered for the #iSpeakLife Empowerment Experience for Women?

No, get more info at http://www.ispeaklifelive.com

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Don’t believe me, Just watch

don't believe me, Just watch

#‎TrueheartSpeaksChronicles‬: Don’t be one of those people who have something to say about what everyone else is doing, but YOU aren’t doing anything but running your mouth. While you are talking. WE are doing. At least we are trying and putting forth some type of effort, while you judge, criticize and critique.

Stop it!

You aren’t a even benchwarmer, you don’t even sit on the sidelines. You speak from the bleachers. You aren’t even on the team yet. Why, because you do more talking that doing. Why because it’s more comfortable to sit and talk about what others are doing and how it probably won’t work, rather than stretch and be more than a mere exister (yeah I made that word up). But yet you have yet to even try.

Stop it! — Close your mouth and DO something.

Stop being the crab in the barrel. Stop being negative Nancy.

Stop it!

Even the benchwarmer is on the team. He may not get any play but he shows up for practice ready and awaiting his turn. What about you? Can we say the same about you. NOPE… If you aren’t going to get in the game the least you could do is cheer us on… encourage us or just be quiet and stay out of the way. It’s just that simple. Please don’t sit around waiting for our demise because you will be more than disappointed. Like, the donkey who’s master tried to bury him, we will rise and step over every ounce of dirt/shade you throw our way.

For those of you getting discouraged by the constant negative talk from those around you , find new people to share your dreams with or just don’t share them at all until God introduces you to a new row. Be intentional about surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to rise up and be better. Remember iron sharpens irons. Get round iron sharpeners. Stay away from plastic and glass… they bend, cut and break too easily.

Trust that what God has for you is for YOU. Also use wisdom, everyone who loves you won’t get it you. Leave them in their proper category. Let them love you but never trust them with your dreams if they’ve shown they can’t help you carry, give birth and grow your dreams. I’ve had to learn the hard way a few times, but after those few times, I learned my lesson. Pay attention to the patterns of people and guard your vision.

As Maya Angelou said, when people show you who they are, believe them. As you launch out and pursue living a life in and on purpose, be intentional in your pursuit…

and operate by these two phrases…

“I can show you better than I can tell you.”

“Don’t believe me, just watch!”

Show them… stop telling them!

‪#‎TrueheartSpeaks‬ ‪#‎justsayin‬ ‪#‎iSpeaksLife‬

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iSpeakLife Declaration: I choose Me.

‪#iSpeakLifeDeclaration‬:

Today, I Choose Me. I Put Me First.

On this day, I give you permission to put you first.  I give you permission to say NO to them and it, so that for once you can say YES to YOU!  Take some time identifying what you need to start saying NO to.  Then take some time to identify what you need to start saying YES to. Then I want you to start doing it.

Make sure you say this declaration at least seven (7) times today (#7X).

Joining you in this journey to generate a live of purpose we crave.

Detra

I put me first.

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