Tag Archives: Spiritual Growth

Boundaries…Do you have any?

Boundaries

For the past month or so I’ve been reading Dr. Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong. To put it simply, the book is about rising after you fall. Even though it’s a little more intricate than that, I’ll leave it at that.

Part of rising when you fall is learning to set boundaries, knowing what you want and being real with yourself. As I’m reading this book I’m learning that I’m not as good at setting boundaries as I thought. I found that my expectations of people aren’t always as clear as I think. So as the work in progress that I am, I’m working on it.

I also found that setting boundaries isn’t easy yet it’s very necessary if you’re going to live purposefully. In her book and in this video, Brene says…

Boundaries are simply our lists of what’s okay and what’s not okay.

I know it seems so simple. But let me ask you a few questions, do you have any boundaries? Have you identified what’s okay and what’s not okay in your life? Are they clear to those you interact with in life, love and work?

So even though we are no longer chatting about focus this month on periscope, I believe that boundaries come with focus. I believe that you can be more focused when you’ve created boundaries for what’s okay and what’s not okay. It makes saying yes and no that much easier. It makes knowing what to focus on easier when you already know what you want or what you expect.

Dr. Brene asks this question,

What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can work from a place of integrity and extend the most generous interpretations of the intentions, words, and actions of others?

She goes in to say,

When we combine the courage to make clear what works for us and what doesn’t with compassion to assume people are doing their best, our lives change.

Dr. Brene further asks this question about boundaries as it relates to self worth and self-value. She asks,

How can we expect people to put value in our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?

Listen, there is so much more where that came from therefore I think the topic of boundaries is huge when we talk about focus and fear (our new topic this month). I think boundaries help us focus, keep us clear on our expectations and allow us to live in a place & space void of unwanted feelings because we are clear on what’s acceptable and what’s not. We are clear on what we will allow and what we won’t.

Do you have clear expectations of what’s acceptable and what’s not in your life?

Maybe things have gotten out of hand because there were no clear-cut expectations expressed.

Maybe things didn’t turn out the way you desired because you didn’t really know what you wanted or maybe you did but you went against that ‘gut’ feeling by accepting what you knew you should have said NO to.

I know reading Brene’s book has allowed me to see that there have been some cloudy spaces in my life that I believe have lead to frustration because I wasn’t clear on what I wanted. Or I knew what I wanted but didn’t ask because I didn’t want to seem complicated, overbearing, etc. But life has taught me that the only way real peace is created is when boundaries are created at the jump. I have to be clear on what I want and not afraid to ask for it, whether it’s money, love, time, etc.

Brene says

compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

She goes in to say,

as miserable as resentment, disappointment, and frustration make us feel, we fool ourselves into believing that they’re easier than the vulnerability of a difficult conversation. The truth is that judgment and anger take up way more emotional bandwidth for us.

Ooooohhh that’s good…

  • Are you carrying resentment due to unclear expectations and boundaries?
  • Are you angry and resentful simply because you don’t want to have ‘that’ difficult conversation?

I’m still working through the book, so expect me to come back and share more of my ahas, but I want you to think about some of the questions Dr. Brene poses as well as those that I’ve asked. If you aren’t content with setting clear yet uncomfortable boundaries, then that may be why things aren’t going as smoothly as you’d like them to.

Part of focus is being clear on what’s acceptable and what’s not. Part of living purposefully in every area of your life, is setting boundaries that allow you to operate in your most loving and best self. It’s not about being who and what others want you be and denying yourself at the expense of others, which is what many angry, resentful and frustrated people are doing.

Are you one of them?


 

Part of living purposefully in every area of your life, is setting boundaries that allow you to operate in your most loving and best self.

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Your assignment:

Go back through these questions and get really open and honest with yourself on whether you’ve created clear and concise boundaries. If you have, great! But if you haven’t, take some time to get clear on your list of what’s okay and what’s not okay and then be willing to be vulnerable enough to have those hard, uncomfortable yet needed conversations with yourself and others.

Until Next Time…
Hug + Love + Prayers

P.S. If any of the messages I share are hitting home, make sure you tweet me, share a post on facebook or comment on my blog.  Let me know you are reading and hit me up to give a girl some love.

Ready to get out of your own way and get to the business of living?  Join me and a host of other fabulous women in the #iSpeakLife Society Private FB Group for Women of Faith desiring to Live Purposefully and Grow Spiritually. bit.ly/ispeaklifesociety

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Join every Monday – Thursday at 7:15am EST for your Morning #LifeScope. Each morning I am sharing tools, tips & strategies to help you live purposefully and grow spiritually. I also share inspirational messages to help get you through the day.  For the month of April, we will be talking about FEAR.

Not on Periscope? Download the periscope app on your phone. Search for me (TrueheartSpeaks). Follow me. Turn notifications on so you are notified whenever I am on Live.  Then be on the lookout when I’m live.

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How to hear from God more clearly during your quiet time.

Hear from God during Quiet Time

In preparation for 2016, I shared a survey asking a series of questions. One of which was “Which of the following areas do you struggle with the most?” There were about 5-7 topics that rose to the top of the list. I then asked my blog readers, my vip email list & the women in my private fb page which of those topics you’d like me start with and can you guess which one had the highest number?

Yep you guessed it, it was quiet time with God to clearly hear from Him. Now if you are reading this and thinking, that wasn’t on my list, no worries, I’ll be addressing all of the top topics you selected at some point throughout this year.

I got you! 😉

Ok so with that said, I wanted to share what works for me when I need to hear from God more clearly during my quiet time. Now let me say that it’s been almost 20 years since I committed my life to Christ, so don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a skill that takes time, patience, diligence and consistency.

You may not automatically recognize the voice of God because you aren’t sure if it’s him or you. I get it. I’ve been there and to be honest if I’m not careful to set time aside to commune and spend time with God, even some 19 years later, I question if what I heard was Him.  If I happen to busy myself with the world’s cares and my own cares without giving them to him and letting him guide me through them, I get caught up in the busyness and chaotic noise of the world around me.

Can you relate?

  • You want to spend time with God but you don’t know where to start. 
  • You want to hear from him more clearly but aren’t sure if what you hear is him.
  • Your life is so crazy that trying to find quiet time is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
  • You hear people say they hear from God but you have no clue what that’s like.
If any of these hit home, well let me tell you this… YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Spending time with God is just like spending time
with any other person you want to get close to.
#QuietTimeChallenge

Can you remember a time when you were dating someone and you wanted to be with them all the time? Even with a busy schedule, you made time for them.

Why?

Well because you wanted to see your boo. I don’t care how long of a day you had, you weren’t going to let that day go by without talking to or seeing him/her.

Take a second and really think about it.

This is what God wants from us. He wants to spend time with us. He wants to talk to us. He wants to love on is. He wants to be the first and last thing on our minds and in our hearts.

Now I know what you’re saying, “yeah Detra that’s sounds good and all and yes that’s what I want, but how do I get to that point.”

I get it and I’m going to help you out.

Below are some of the things I do to hear from God more clearly during my quiet time.

Yes I use them!

Check them out and figure out what you can immediately implement.

  • Schedule it in. Put it in your calendar.
  • Start small. Set aside at least 10-15 minutes. If you’ve never done this, don’t schedule 30 minutes to an hour. You will overwhelm yourself. 
  • Eliminate all distractions.
  • Set the tone with worship music.
  • Be Open.
  • Read God’s word and let it speak to you.
  • Get Quiet.
  • Reflect on what you read and how it will affect you today.
  • Get a journal/notebook to write down what you hear.
  • Be consistent. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but keep at it.

Now keep in mind there are other things you can do to hear from God more clearly but here are just a few to help you get started. Also remember that prayer and quiet time are different. You’re idea of prayer may be giving God your laundry list of to dos, saying amen, then getting up and going about your day without letting Him respond.

Stop it!

That’s not prayer, that’s a monologue. This is why you may not be able to hear clearly from him. You haven’t sat still long enough to allow him to respond. Once you pray, sit tight, get quiet and let God speak.


Give God the same kind of love and attention you want from Him.

#QuietTimeChallenge

Listen, there are days that I don’t say a word other than “God I want to hear from you. Speak to me today. I need you.”

Especially if what I’m going through has me on my last leg and there really isn’t anything else for me to say.

If you’ve been there you know what I mean.

Hopefully this post and the strategies I shared will help you on your journey to hearing from God more clearly.

Want to have these suggestions at your disposal to print and hang up to refer to?

Awesome!

I figured you would, so I created a Quiet Time Checklist for you to refer to when having your quiet time with God.

quiet time email header

Next time you prepare to get quiet and have some alone time with God, use my FREE QUIET TIME CHECKLIST to help position you to hear everything God wants to say to you.

Until Next Time…

Hug + Love + Prayers

Detra

P.S. Make sure you comment below or in the #iSpeakLife Society Private FB Group to let me know if this post and the checklist were helpful to you.
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P.S.S. Join me this week for my 5 Day Quiet Time Challenge, Monday-Friday from 7am-7:15am on Periscope.
Quiet Time Challenge
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Thankful Thursday – Motivational Minute 402

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It’s Thankful Thursday!

Today’s Motivational Minute is …

Be Thankful EVERYDAY!

On this Thankful Thursday, remember to make time to give thanks everyday. Many times we wake up and in a rush we forget whether at the beginning of the day or at the end of the day to give thanks not only for that day but for everything that we experienced within that day. What if God only blessed you with what you thanked Him for the previous day? Many of us would be in big trouble! 🙂 Good thing God doesn’t keep track and hold our thankless days against us. Instead He blesses us with abundant blessings everyday! Things may not be ideal for you now, but somewhere in our country and abroad, what’s not ideal for you is perfect for someone else. Make time in your life to be thankful everyday for EVERYTHING!

YOUR TURN… on this Thankful Thursday, tell me … Have you ever gone throughout the day without giving thanks? Why do you think gratitude is so important? How can being thankful everyday help us keep things in perspective in our everyday lives? How do you find things to be thankful for on a day where everything goes wrong?

Share your thoughts in the comments section. I would love to hear from you. There may be someone who just might be blessed by what you share!

Here’s to you living life IN & On Purpose…

Detra

Detra M. Trueheart,

Your Life Empowerment Coach

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The call is entitled, Stuck On Stupid: Get Unstuck and Get Out of Your Own Way.

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Detra M. Trueheart is a Speaker and Life Coach. Her company, TrueheartSpeaks Enterprises, is dedicated to helping women break the mold, challenge the status quo and live life IN purpose ON purpose. Learn how Detra can help you create a life beyond the limitations and expectations that hinder you from living life IN & ON purpose: http://www.trueheartspeaks.com.

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