Tag Archives: Personal Growth

Do The Work

Do The Work

I know you’ve heard the saying “the grass is/isn’t greener on the other side.” You’ve probably also heard it said that the reason we think the grass is greener on the other side is because we pay more attention to ‘their’ grass instead of tending to our own.

Well, I want to take a moment to talk about doing the work.

About a year ago, hubby and I talked about taking better care of our grass. You see we have this neighbor who has impeccable grass. Check out the photo below… You’ll noticed the not-so-cared-for-grass is ours and the really nice grass is that of our neighbors across the street.

grass greener

Well one of the things that I’ve learned about watching our neighbor is that you’ve got to be in it for the long haul if you want your grass to be green just like the grass on the other side. And just so you know, while writing on my porch, my neighbor had already been out watering his grass and tending to his lawn.  Talk about consistency.

Over the years, I (we) noticed that every chance he got he’s be out two sometimes three times a day watering, cutting, trimming his grass. He was doing the work.

Hubby and I on the other hand… NOT! (lol)

We wanted the green grass like our neighbor but we’d just been offering lip service. You know, talking a good game.

Well since writing this post (it’s been about a week), guess what I’ve been doing?

Yep you guessed it!

DOING THE WORK!

found our sprinkler, hooked it up to the hose so that I could water my own grass instead of watching my neighbor water his. It’s actually been 2-3 times this week. I’m pretty proud of myself, if I do say so myself.

Now you might be wondering how this applies you, well like hubby and I, I imagine you’ve got really good, no great lip service. You even know what to do (or maybe you don’t). You watch other people get their lives in order. You watch other people go after their dreams. You talk about how great their ‘grass’ looks and how you wish you could get yours to look like ‘theirs.‘ You talk about wanting what they have or something similar.

BUT you just sit by in admiration, sometimes with envy wishing and wanting things to be different however you aren’t doing anything different.

Let me ask you this?

  • Are you willing to do the work needed to have the green grass (life, dreams, goals, etc.) you admire and desire?
  • Are you willing to learn what’s needed to accomplish what you desire?
  • Are you ready to start doing and stop talking or thinking about it?

You see, in addition to being willing to do the work, you may have to learn a new skill or get some training and you will most assuredly have to stop running your mouth and get to work.

I will say that there is still much to be done with my own grass, but I am proud to say that I am doing the work. My next step will be to buy some grass seed to make my lawn fuller, as well as get rid of some of the weeds, but I am committed to doing the work, what about you?

Your assignment:

  1. Identify your ‘green grass.’ What have you been talking and thinking about doing but have yet to do? 
  2. Stop talking and thinking about it.
  3. Identify what’s needed in order for you to get started?  Do you have what you need or will you have to acquire tools, supplies, training, etc. (Don’t spend money if you don’t need to.)
  4. Take some time to write in a journal why you haven’t gotten started today? What’s really holding you back. Sometimes it’s easier to admire what others are doing from a far than it is to put the work in.
  5. Start today. Do the work. Do one thing today that will inch you towards achieving your ‘green grass.’

I know that his/her grass seems greener on the other side, but you could have green grass if you would just do the work. @TrueheartSpeaks

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Until Next Time…

Hug + Love + Prayers

P.S. If any of the messages I share are hitting home, make sure you tweet meshare a post on facebook or comment on my blog.  Let me know you are reading and hit me up to give a girl some love.

If this message resonated with you and you are ready to take action but need help, schedule a 45-minute Pick My Brain Strategy Session to brainstorm and create strategies to help get you moving. Click here to get more information and to schedule your session.

Ready to get out of your own way and get to the business of living but need to support of your sister-friends?  Join me and a host of other fabulous women in the #iSpeakLife Society Private FB Group for Women of Faith desiring to Live Purposefully and Grow Spiritually. bit.ly/ispeaklifesociety

Join me every Monday – Thursday at 7:15am EST for the Morning #LifeScope. Each morning I am sharing tools, tips & strategies to help you live purposefully and grow spiritually. I also share inspirational messages to help get out of your own way and get you through the day.  For the month of July, we will be talking about the Book of Proverbs.

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Boundaries…Do you have any?

Boundaries

For the past month or so I’ve been reading Dr. Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong. To put it simply, the book is about rising after you fall. Even though it’s a little more intricate than that, I’ll leave it at that.

Part of rising when you fall is learning to set boundaries, knowing what you want and being real with yourself. As I’m reading this book I’m learning that I’m not as good at setting boundaries as I thought. I found that my expectations of people aren’t always as clear as I think. So as the work in progress that I am, I’m working on it.

I also found that setting boundaries isn’t easy yet it’s very necessary if you’re going to live purposefully. In her book and in this video, Brene says…

Boundaries are simply our lists of what’s okay and what’s not okay.

I know it seems so simple. But let me ask you a few questions, do you have any boundaries? Have you identified what’s okay and what’s not okay in your life? Are they clear to those you interact with in life, love and work?

So even though we are no longer chatting about focus this month on periscope, I believe that boundaries come with focus. I believe that you can be more focused when you’ve created boundaries for what’s okay and what’s not okay. It makes saying yes and no that much easier. It makes knowing what to focus on easier when you already know what you want or what you expect.

Dr. Brene asks this question,

What boundaries do I need to put in place so I can work from a place of integrity and extend the most generous interpretations of the intentions, words, and actions of others?

She goes in to say,

When we combine the courage to make clear what works for us and what doesn’t with compassion to assume people are doing their best, our lives change.

Dr. Brene further asks this question about boundaries as it relates to self worth and self-value. She asks,

How can we expect people to put value in our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?

Listen, there is so much more where that came from therefore I think the topic of boundaries is huge when we talk about focus and fear (our new topic this month). I think boundaries help us focus, keep us clear on our expectations and allow us to live in a place & space void of unwanted feelings because we are clear on what’s acceptable and what’s not. We are clear on what we will allow and what we won’t.

Do you have clear expectations of what’s acceptable and what’s not in your life?

Maybe things have gotten out of hand because there were no clear-cut expectations expressed.

Maybe things didn’t turn out the way you desired because you didn’t really know what you wanted or maybe you did but you went against that ‘gut’ feeling by accepting what you knew you should have said NO to.

I know reading Brene’s book has allowed me to see that there have been some cloudy spaces in my life that I believe have lead to frustration because I wasn’t clear on what I wanted. Or I knew what I wanted but didn’t ask because I didn’t want to seem complicated, overbearing, etc. But life has taught me that the only way real peace is created is when boundaries are created at the jump. I have to be clear on what I want and not afraid to ask for it, whether it’s money, love, time, etc.

Brene says

compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

She goes in to say,

as miserable as resentment, disappointment, and frustration make us feel, we fool ourselves into believing that they’re easier than the vulnerability of a difficult conversation. The truth is that judgment and anger take up way more emotional bandwidth for us.

Ooooohhh that’s good…

  • Are you carrying resentment due to unclear expectations and boundaries?
  • Are you angry and resentful simply because you don’t want to have ‘that’ difficult conversation?

I’m still working through the book, so expect me to come back and share more of my ahas, but I want you to think about some of the questions Dr. Brene poses as well as those that I’ve asked. If you aren’t content with setting clear yet uncomfortable boundaries, then that may be why things aren’t going as smoothly as you’d like them to.

Part of focus is being clear on what’s acceptable and what’s not. Part of living purposefully in every area of your life, is setting boundaries that allow you to operate in your most loving and best self. It’s not about being who and what others want you be and denying yourself at the expense of others, which is what many angry, resentful and frustrated people are doing.

Are you one of them?


 

Part of living purposefully in every area of your life, is setting boundaries that allow you to operate in your most loving and best self.

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Your assignment:

Go back through these questions and get really open and honest with yourself on whether you’ve created clear and concise boundaries. If you have, great! But if you haven’t, take some time to get clear on your list of what’s okay and what’s not okay and then be willing to be vulnerable enough to have those hard, uncomfortable yet needed conversations with yourself and others.

Until Next Time…
Hug + Love + Prayers

P.S. If any of the messages I share are hitting home, make sure you tweet me, share a post on facebook or comment on my blog.  Let me know you are reading and hit me up to give a girl some love.

Ready to get out of your own way and get to the business of living?  Join me and a host of other fabulous women in the #iSpeakLife Society Private FB Group for Women of Faith desiring to Live Purposefully and Grow Spiritually. bit.ly/ispeaklifesociety

Join the #iSpeakLife Society fbcvr (2)

Join every Monday – Thursday at 7:15am EST for your Morning #LifeScope. Each morning I am sharing tools, tips & strategies to help you live purposefully and grow spiritually. I also share inspirational messages to help get you through the day.  For the month of April, we will be talking about FEAR.

Not on Periscope? Download the periscope app on your phone. Search for me (TrueheartSpeaks). Follow me. Turn notifications on so you are notified whenever I am on Live.  Then be on the lookout when I’m live.

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How to hear from God more clearly during your quiet time.

Hear from God during Quiet Time

In preparation for 2016, I shared a survey asking a series of questions. One of which was “Which of the following areas do you struggle with the most?” There were about 5-7 topics that rose to the top of the list. I then asked my blog readers, my vip email list & the women in my private fb page which of those topics you’d like me start with and can you guess which one had the highest number?

Yep you guessed it, it was quiet time with God to clearly hear from Him. Now if you are reading this and thinking, that wasn’t on my list, no worries, I’ll be addressing all of the top topics you selected at some point throughout this year.

I got you! 😉

Ok so with that said, I wanted to share what works for me when I need to hear from God more clearly during my quiet time. Now let me say that it’s been almost 20 years since I committed my life to Christ, so don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a skill that takes time, patience, diligence and consistency.

You may not automatically recognize the voice of God because you aren’t sure if it’s him or you. I get it. I’ve been there and to be honest if I’m not careful to set time aside to commune and spend time with God, even some 19 years later, I question if what I heard was Him.  If I happen to busy myself with the world’s cares and my own cares without giving them to him and letting him guide me through them, I get caught up in the busyness and chaotic noise of the world around me.

Can you relate?

  • You want to spend time with God but you don’t know where to start. 
  • You want to hear from him more clearly but aren’t sure if what you hear is him.
  • Your life is so crazy that trying to find quiet time is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
  • You hear people say they hear from God but you have no clue what that’s like.
If any of these hit home, well let me tell you this… YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Spending time with God is just like spending time
with any other person you want to get close to.
#QuietTimeChallenge

Can you remember a time when you were dating someone and you wanted to be with them all the time? Even with a busy schedule, you made time for them.

Why?

Well because you wanted to see your boo. I don’t care how long of a day you had, you weren’t going to let that day go by without talking to or seeing him/her.

Take a second and really think about it.

This is what God wants from us. He wants to spend time with us. He wants to talk to us. He wants to love on is. He wants to be the first and last thing on our minds and in our hearts.

Now I know what you’re saying, “yeah Detra that’s sounds good and all and yes that’s what I want, but how do I get to that point.”

I get it and I’m going to help you out.

Below are some of the things I do to hear from God more clearly during my quiet time.

Yes I use them!

Check them out and figure out what you can immediately implement.

  • Schedule it in. Put it in your calendar.
  • Start small. Set aside at least 10-15 minutes. If you’ve never done this, don’t schedule 30 minutes to an hour. You will overwhelm yourself. 
  • Eliminate all distractions.
  • Set the tone with worship music.
  • Be Open.
  • Read God’s word and let it speak to you.
  • Get Quiet.
  • Reflect on what you read and how it will affect you today.
  • Get a journal/notebook to write down what you hear.
  • Be consistent. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but keep at it.

Now keep in mind there are other things you can do to hear from God more clearly but here are just a few to help you get started. Also remember that prayer and quiet time are different. You’re idea of prayer may be giving God your laundry list of to dos, saying amen, then getting up and going about your day without letting Him respond.

Stop it!

That’s not prayer, that’s a monologue. This is why you may not be able to hear clearly from him. You haven’t sat still long enough to allow him to respond. Once you pray, sit tight, get quiet and let God speak.


Give God the same kind of love and attention you want from Him.

#QuietTimeChallenge

Listen, there are days that I don’t say a word other than “God I want to hear from you. Speak to me today. I need you.”

Especially if what I’m going through has me on my last leg and there really isn’t anything else for me to say.

If you’ve been there you know what I mean.

Hopefully this post and the strategies I shared will help you on your journey to hearing from God more clearly.

Want to have these suggestions at your disposal to print and hang up to refer to?

Awesome!

I figured you would, so I created a Quiet Time Checklist for you to refer to when having your quiet time with God.

quiet time email header

Next time you prepare to get quiet and have some alone time with God, use my FREE QUIET TIME CHECKLIST to help position you to hear everything God wants to say to you.

Until Next Time…

Hug + Love + Prayers

Detra

P.S. Make sure you comment below or in the #iSpeakLife Society Private FB Group to let me know if this post and the checklist were helpful to you.
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P.S.S. Join me this week for my 5 Day Quiet Time Challenge, Monday-Friday from 7am-7:15am on Periscope.
Quiet Time Challenge
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What 2015 taught me…

What 2015 taught me...

I know we are a few weeks into the new year… but I’ve still been reflecting on 2015 and the lessons I learned.  So I wanted to share them with you…

  • It’s great to be recognized.
  • Hard work does pay off.
  • Coasting in life will catch up to you.
  • It’s ok to take a break.
  • It’s not as big of a deal as you think (whatever your it is).
  • God really is in control.
  • Rest is essential.
  • Listen to your body.
  • Accolades feel good but they don’t pay bills nor do they determine your worth/value especially if you don’t believe it.
  • You are worth more than you could imagine.
  • Marriage is hard some days.
  • Being a parent is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs out there.
  • Don’t let people determine or steal your worth.
  • You are awesome.
  • You do good work….NO… you do AWESOME work!
  • You’re not as good at being an entrepreneur as you thought… Building this empire is going to take more work than expected. But it will be worth it.
  • Focus… Distractions are everywhere and an annoyance to someone with the attention span of a gnat.
  • Stay the course. If you quit you’ve got to start over and some times starting over sucks when you realize how much further you could be.
  • Learn the lesson.
  • Everything isn’t for you.
  • It’s ok to reprioritize and re-evaluate.
  • Everyone who says they are for you, isn’t really for you. They just talk a good game. But the people who are really for you, are really for you. Be thankful for them.
  • Trust your gut. Listen to the Holy Spirit.
  • Own your call and gift. Be ok with being anointed an set apart. No need in hiding or putting it on a shelf.
  • Boundaries are important… Set them and keep them in tact.
  • You have to be more consistent. Remember that repetition plus consistency = success.
  • This is just the beginning…..

I’m sure there are other lessons I missed and will add as time goes on .

Take some time to really reflect on 2015.  Write down all the lessons 2015 taught you and then share a few with me.

Until next time…

Remember to Live Purposefully!

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